Unlimited

Darina Grotto, 2017

Summer, 2013. Moscow. Just a young redhead girl. Just an amazing and unusual meeting. The meeting which thwarted plans and dreams of the young redhead girl, Victoria. And totally untypical love that got under the girl’s skin. What if she mustn’t love? Horrifying! What if she mustn’t want? Dangerous! And what if Victoria really wanted to love? How to live when suddenly as if touched with a wand everything became unusual including the redhead girl? In a Moscow beautiful summer, one beautiful day Victoria made a mess of things that led her into apocalyptic troubles.Содержит нецензурную брань.

9

^th

June 2013 (Sunday)

It was Sunday. The morning.

The sun was shining through the closed curtains. The girl wanted to smile. It was so cool to wake up and understand her mood was skyrocketing. Everything around was so light, airy and you were just being torn into pieces because of happiness.

Olga Vladimirovna had to come back in the evening. It meant the girl had the whole day to do nothing. She never did anything on Sundays and the final exam wasn’t obviously going to break that practice.

After staying in bed for some time, Victoria got up and went to the bathroom. She noticed the book in the hall which had been left there the day before yesterday. The girl drew a deep breath: if her mum had noticed the book there would have been a straight talk to evaluate her daughter’s competency to stand trial. Without thinking, Vic took the book.

The bath was full, and Victoria was looking through the piece of paper dropped out of the book. What did that mean? What was Kharon? There was nothing written. There were no similar names in the book. Vic was looking for it by means of symbols depicted on the paper, but there was nothing still. The damned piece of paper haunted her mind.

Victoria put the book aside, turned the towel around and ran to the laptop to find online-dictionaries. Suddenly she realized she could understand the meaning of the text. If she had took the meaning, probably it would explain what Kharon meant.

Wet, semi-turned in the towel, the girl tapped at the keyboard, looking for Latin words meaning.

After two hours of attempts Victoria got upset: there was a text before her, addressed to a Kharon. She got something surely, Kharon wasn’t it but him. But there was not a word about who he was and what he did.

The magic text was too much even for Victoria! She was a non-believer by nature. It was one thing to read myths and legends just for the fun of it and the other was to believe in it and try to raise the queen of Spades.

She believed that all the curses, diseases, spells, the evil eyes, attraction spells worked just because a person believed in them. The girl believed in autosuggestion power and thought materiality. She couldn’t be cursed or spelled because she didn’t believe in it. А person who believed to be cursed, really got ill just because he attracted rubbish. He was walking, then tumbled, then fell down and if he was a superstitious person, he would be sure that he fell because of a strange-looking old witch who had cursed him. Victoria would think that she was an awkward log and she needed to be more careful.

Who knew what happened to the girl but at that moment she was interested in depths of her mind? What if Kharon would come to her and she would be able to know who he was? One part of her was waiting for an adventure, the other was laughing aloud. If Vasilisa had come to Vic and said that she was going to raise a ghost, Victoria would never miss the opportunity to laugh at her friend.

Finally, the girl tore herself off the laptop and got dressed. Suddenly she stopped in tracks like a statue. The girl was preoccupied with a heap of questions, prowling her mind. The first question was how to call a thing if you didn’t know anything about it? What was he? A deuce? A vampire? A demon? An angel? What was he? The second one was what you needed to use to summon him? Maybe to do that obeah you would need a glass frog leg or an oarfish fish-maw… Vic didn’t know anything. She didn’t even know how to read in Latin that text written on the medieval parchment. Fortunately, the Latin reading issue could be resolved with the help of a dictionary and unfortunately things were worse with gills and legs.

Vic was gazing at drawn circles and symbols for a long time and then her subconsciousness gave a hint — that picture had to be re-drawn on the floor! Yeah, sure! That’s what it had to be. But what to use? Highlighter? If Olga Vladimirovna saw it, she would send her daughter into an asylum with no delay, and, perhaps thanks to good connections, she would be placed into a good ward. Maybe chalk? But there was no chalk. That was okay, where would the chalk come from?

Why did the circle have to be on the floor exactly? It could be minimized…

The girl took an ordinary pencil, sat to the table and re-drew the even circle onto the table, in size of 30-40 centimetres. She put into it all the symbols, drew more circles inside of it, placed signs, numerals and, being satisfied, started to wait.

She had to read the spell! It could take a lot of time to sit and wait, for life even, for something to happen. Vic took the paper and started reading written words with underlined stress.

She read the text several times, but nothing changed: not the weather, nor voices, neither lightning… Having sighed Vic declaimed the text slowly and started waiting again. Nothing happened. What did she expect? She should forget it, she just wanted to have fun.

The girl rose from her chair, covered the shamanistic circles and she would have gone to the kitchen to have breakfast, doing magic she quite forgot that she had eaten nothing, but she failed to leave her room as she bumped into a man, stumbling against his chest of steel with her forehead.

You might have said that the man scared the crap out of Vic — but it would have been nothing. She sweated, felt sick, her legs were shaking… She was backing slowly, keeping her eyes locked on the man. She had never been so scared before! There was a reason for the fear. There was a man in her flat, in her room, near her bed… The girl could hardly breathe, she seemed to be almost choked. She wanted to ask what the hell he was doing in her room, but her tongue was stuck. She wasn’t able to get if the tongue was in her mouth. The fear went right through her. The horror reached her legs, Victoria almost didn’t feel her heart beating. It didn’t just leave her cold feet, but it seemed to leave her body at all…

But the great horror began next. Shitted blue lights, her mind was about to guess what the man was in the room!

‘…It can’t be’ her whisper held an edge of fear, while she was backing with no understanding that there was a wall and radiator behind and no way to escape.

That was impossible! Even in that exact moment she could not believe her eyes: the man could not appear from nowhere just because a text was read. Someone was kidding her. Someone who knew about the book and the note in it, and someone was putting her on. That was Daniel!

Suddenly an idea dawned on her that the young man probably hadn’t gone any business trip but sent a man to put the fear of God into his girl. But no. That was too much and unreal. It was more unreal than a real man appearing in her flat. No. she couldn’t believe! Could she be out of her mind?

The girl was blinking, trying to drive away that intrusive image, but it proved very difficult. He was standing without moving, gazing into her eyes and his look was so terrifying and cold that Vic was more afraid that it could be possible.

The man was silent, and his eyes burned into her. He was sullen, maybe even angry. Being in a stupor of dismay she perceived his face to be very handsome. His amber-brown eyes burned into the girl’s face and eyes. His mouth was screwed up and there was no hint at a hidden smile. He had black hair and his fringe was long, hung down about his eyes but didn’t stop him from destroying the girl with his heavy stare… He was too attractive and at the same time her forehead broke out in a cold sweat.

The terrible agony of fear consumed her, as Victoria realized: it was something before her. Was it alive? What kind of substance was it? How to accept the creature? An animal? A human?

‘What are you?’ she whispered not wanting to ask anything.

The man was like a stone sculpture. Was he capable of speaking? What if he had a special alien language? The girl kept on sitting under the table and built the guesses.

‘Whom have you conjured up?’ he asked in a low but secure tone.

‘Me?’ her voice trembled. ‘No one. I’ve conjured no one.’

‘Kharon!’ he said loudly.

‘Kharon?’ the girl re-asked, got surprised as if she had heard the name for the first time.

The man smiled, with impressive walk he came up to the girl, sitting on the floor, took her hand and clasped in his arms, held her close.

‘You don’t know whom you’ve conjured up, do you, Victoria?’ he whispered in her ear.

The girl was captured by a strange feeling. She had never felt before. Something was embracing her, touching her, speaking with her but the primal instinct to be feared was gone. She suddenly became so light and easy. She just wanted him to go on holding her closer to him… Idiot!

‘No’ Vic said softly.

She didn’t know what was going on with her, why she became flabby like a washed handkerchief, in some demonic creature’s arms.

‘Oh, Victoria’ he said, pulling her closer to him, ‘An incubus is in your flat and you seem to have no idea what you’ve done, girl, have you?’

She shook her head, but the fear wasn’t coming back for some reason. In the embrace of the man she felt so peacefully. The creature smelled of sex…

‘You’ve called a demon to you, Victoria… With your blood. Why?’

‘With my blood?’ like being high Vic re-asked without understanding anything.

She didn’t cut her veins and let the blood run. Could the demon miss the flat?

He let her go and followed her leg with his eyes. There was a cold single track of blood on her ankle. Where was it from? Victoria exactly remembered not to cut there… Suddenly she got why the blood was there. While she was taking a shower, she could cut with the razor by accident and didn’t even notice it.

‘You don’t remember why the blood is there?’ he asked slyly.

Then Kharon appeared near her. All it took was one soft, but rapid hand movement and the girl turned out to be in bed. The demon stroked her leg, rained kisses upon her inner side of thigh. Vic was hardly capable of managing invading emotions.

‘…Victoria…That was the steel…the sharp one…Cut your little leg when you were in the bath’

The man touched the cut with his lips. She could read a craving in his eyes, but the girl didn’t understand the craving for what? She wanted to wave him away, but her hands didn’t listen to her. On the contrary they embraced the man, wanted to be touched. The warmth of his lips touching went through her body like electricity with a minimum voltage.

But Kharon stopped. Having gazed the girl with cloudy eyes he got up and stared at her again. He was serious.

‘I can take your life for one millisecond’ he grabbed the girl and she slung in his hands like a kitten. ‘Do you need your life?’

Fear came back imminently. Her body was numb, horror paralyzed her mind. The girl stopped getting what was going on: firstly, she was starving with an idiotic desire to bed with the mystic man, secondly, she was in cold sweat because of fear.

‘Yes, I do’ she answered under breath.

‘Do you?’ he whispered being surprised.

His face expression was changing and frightened her, Victoria couldn’t follow up any exact emotion. She got the feeling that Kharon didn’t know how to rule his face as if he put on masks and observe his body and mimic abilities.

‘If your life is so precious then why did you read the text on the paper?’

‘I didn’t believe…I didn’t know you…You exist. That you would come’

‘You? Me?’ Kharon laughed.

He let the girl go and walked around the room, casting treacherous glances at Victoria.

‘Have I frightened you, human child?’ Kharon came up and took the girl’s hand. ‘You should not be afraid of me. I’ve been created to bring great pleasure… at a price. Are you ready to pay me?’

Kharon gently kissed the girl, investigating every inch of her neck with his lips. Vic closed her eyes and left the reality again. The demon didn’t stop driving her crazy, burning her skin, charming with his words. She was almost choke because of unexpected pleasure and enjoyment which the creature was bringing to her, when Kharon stopped.

‘Are you ready to pay me?’ he asked the question again. ‘I shall keep on… I shall show you these things none of men will be ready to show you. I shall open the arras into light-hearted enjoyment, that you will never be able to come up from. I shall present you a light and shining which will never leave your mind. There will be no pain, fear and melancholy… Only the desire… Unrestrained, full of madness, destructive, drying and reckless one… The desire which you will be spluttered in and accept it with all the gratefulness in life. You will get a hidden part of your consciousness, look at yourself in a different way… Are you ready to pay?’

Kharon stopped, took his hand out of her shorts. Victoria opened her eyes and amazingly stared at the man. She couldn’t understand why she allowed him to do what he was doing.

‘Pay you?’ she re-asked without getting what was going on in her crazy head.

‘A night costs your life’ he smiled.

‘Are you sure that it’s worth it?’ Vic spewed out with no thinking.

‘Worth it?’ Kharon fluently looked at the street and then shifted his gaze on the girl again.

Her hair was in badly messed batch, there was a frustration in her eyes, her clothes were wrinkled, and her naughty hand was smoothing out the shorts. There was fear and misunderstanding on her lips and a wild desire to be kissed by a part of hell. She had a vandalizing love to life, saying “run”. The girl was in prostration.

Kharon lowered towards her, snapped his fingers before her nose and Victoria shuddered.

‘No, no, no. Don’t do. I don’t wanna anything’

‘Lying to the demon…oh, that’s so bad. Well, you know how to find me. I’m not saying farewell. We shall see… Victoria’

The man kissed her cheek and disappeared.

Victoria was sitting like a statue for a long time trying to find out what had happened in her flat. But she couldn’t get her own feelings and emotions.

On the one hand she was scared catastrophically. She couldn’t still believe that the real mysterious creature had visited her house. Her scepticism became a silent cropper. Vic didn’t even try to get a little part of it back.

All that she had believed for twenty years now was gone. Demons? Witches? Vampires? Could it really exist? Living in secret from people, from their minds and perception… Maybe it wasn’t a secret. Maybe people were so interested in their own stormy lives that even during breaks between identical hours they didn’t see what was happening before their eyes. Perhaps, today all the supernatural creatures didn’t have to hide. Because now, living in the modern world you could stand among crowd during rush hour, plaintively crying in voice not your own because of pain, calling for help and in response you would be pushed away and someone would say: ‘why the fuck are you standing on the road, freak?’ Sliding around people, like a snake in grass, a demon, of course, in a human shape, would be unnoticed. The girl was shocked, having realized how many things were unnoticed and lost in that world.

Victoria was sitting at her table, looking at the symbols, drawn on the desk top. What was it? Was it a dream and she was about to wake up and breathe a sigh of relief? Kharon… The demon. A phone call interrupted her reflections. Her friend was going to come to Victoria.

The girls were in the room. Vasilisa was twittering about what had happened while she’d been dating her boyfriend, describing animal lust and platonic love. Vic still had been thinking of the mysterious guest, his face, which was before her eyes, his hands, smoothly sliding down her waist into the shorts… his lips, almost touching her lap and words that they were whispering… his winy, foggy and deep voice… his amber-brown gaze. Voluptuousness. Was Vasilisa able to distract her friend from those recollections?

‘What’s wrong with you, Vic?’ Vasilisa bumped on the chair, aggrievedly stared at her friend.

‘What?’ Vic came back to the reality again, having sunk next paranoid part of fantasy.

‘Are you listening to me? I’ve come to you to share my emotions and feelings, I wanted you to be happy for me… but it seems that you don’t care.’

‘No, Vasilisa, no, I do… I just…’ Vic stopped speaking.

‘You just what?’

‘I’ve had a bad dream’

‘Really? You’re worrying about something, but not looking sleepy. Will you tell me this story? Is that because of Daniel?’

‘What’s up about him?’ Vic was surprised.

‘You don’t know, do you?’ Vasilisa asked.

‘What I don’t know?’

Vasilisa looked away. She blabbed out and it was obviously.

‘I was told that he left with a girl…’

Finally, Victoria abstracted herself from recollections and surfed into the present imminently.

She didn’t love Daniel. She could speak about love when they had started dating but it was too long ago. The feeling faded away, love fell asleep, then died. Everything was trite and simple like everything else about others. However, she didn’t want to be kept in reserve: go on vacation with another but bed with Victoria? Rubbish!

Before making a scene, Victoria wanted to wait for Daniel to come back from his so-called business trip. What if someone made balls of the truth? What if someone overlooked or overviewed? Maybe someone shouldn’t poke their nose in someone else’s business. She hated all those gossips and people who were savouring them, wanting to find out who did and what that night. If you did nothing, they would always make up something.

Victoria wanted to ask Daniel face to face what was going on in very deed and see if he was brave enough to confess the truth.

‘With a girl? He’s on business trip…’ Vic said, seemed off, understanding in horror that such sensitive matter was displaced by epileptic morning recollections.

At that time the girl got she didn’t actually care whom and where her boyfriend was spending his time with. She just decided that apart from the truth they were going to break up.

Yes, they had two perfect years. There were two years of egoism, self-absorption and self-development. They had a perfect beginning. Victoria often remembered the beginning.

A long time ago they went to common parties. He opened doors for her, gave his jackets to her when she was cold, held her hand when she was walking over kerbstone imagining herself a funambulist, carried her in his arms over the puddles.

A long time ago they laughed looking at each other, holding hands, kissing in the parks… A long time ago and it had already passed.

It seemed to them it was love, that they would be together till the end of life, that no one and nothing would be able to part them. No one and nothing would be, but time did.

Having felt the other man’s touches Victoria realized that she didn’t want to feel Daniel’s anymore. Even in the very beginning she hadn’t felt with Daniel what she felt in ten-minutes communication with Kharon. He was the one who made a decisive end to her thoughts to be or not to be.

Now Vasilisa was re-telling gossips and Vic was trying to exorcise the demon out of her mind.

Olga Vladimirovna came back in the late evening and focused on her own business. Victoria was having a burr under saddle.

I gotta speak to him. No matter what will happen, but I have to…

The girl told her mum that she was going to take a spin on a bike, took it and rushed towards Serebryany Bor.

Vic was cycling through the evening park looking for a quiet corner. She didn’t need any witnesses. What would people think if they saw a girl in twilight with candles, drawing something on the ground and whispering Latin words? They would laugh at best… What would people think? What would people say? Those synonymously bloody questions made others impossible to live. Why did you need to think what people would think of you? Why couldn’t you just live without thinking of public opinion? Those people didn’t even know you personally so what’s the difference what they would think of you? Why did you need to be an object that sweetened someone’s glimpse? Was that all for five-seconds glimpse of a stranger?

Vic didn’t want to make a fool of herself. Before the incubus visited her, she would have laughed with pleasure at a person calling for rain in a forest.

A little connecting thread was nicely floating between oneself and others: we didn’t want to be treated in the same way as we treat the others. I didn’t want to be mocked in any situation but if I were to be behind these situation frames then I could afford myself to mock others.

After re-drawing signs on the ground that was getting cold after the hot day, Vic took a razor tip. The demon said there should be blood… It meant if she wanted to see him again, she needed to spill her blood. But here everything stopped. The girl couldn’t pull herself together to cut and hurt herself. She was frightened. But the desire to see Kharon overcame the fear for cutting herself.

Having closed her eyes Vic slit her finger and cried in pain at once. Dark-red blood was dropping on the ground, the faltering voice was reading the spell.

After having read the girl looked over her shoulder: nobody was there. Convulsively remembering everything that she had done before, she was looking for mistakes. She started reading the spell again. In response nobody appeared.

Something went wrong… Why didn’t he come? What was wrong? The signs, the numerals, the circles, the triangle, the blood, the spell were the same as in that morning. Why? The girl was tortured by questions which she had no answers for.

She had been in the park for an hour and a half, waiting but nobody appeared, and Victoria went home. She was slowly riding the bike, sorrowfully looking at the road, trying to get through her emotions.

Firstly, she was scared as she understood the words “I can take your life in one millisecond”. The creature that appeared in her flat was capable of everything. He was unpredictable and whatever he would do nobody would be to blame but herself… if life stayed near.

Then she was suffering from curiosity. She wanted to know everything that was left naked after lifting the curtains for a half of an inch. Victoria craved to open it fully, go backstage and find out ins and outs. But Kharon didn’t come.

‘Where’ve you been?’ her mum was standing in the hall, hands akimbo. ‘I’ve been up half of the night, waiting for you to come back! What’s the matter, Vic?’

‘Mum…’ Victoria unlaced her gumshoes. ‘I’ve been cycling, thinking that you’re sleeping already’

‘Vic!’ her mum said in a severe voice.

‘Mum, I’ve got it. I’m sorry that I made you worry; I didn’t mean to.’

‘What time do you get up?’

‘At 7 am… I’ve got a preparatory meeting before the exam. You?’

‘At 6 am. I’ll be out at 7 am. Shall I call you or you’ll get up?’ the woman softened.

‘I’ll get up. Don’t worry, mum. Go back to bed’

“Why? What did I do wrong? I did the same process exactly to a T, but the place was changed… I don’t believe that he can appear only inside houses! I’m sure that a place doesn’t matter… Then what?”

Almost about an hour Vic was thinking of her actions, trying to find a mistake until she fell asleep. She dreamt about nothing but blackness and silence.

In the morning, Victoria felt low as she didn’t get enough sleep. Of course, night races through the park had taken much strength and time.

She took off the house like a shot from a gun and headed towards Ulitsa 1905 metro station. The weather was good. The sun was behind the clouds and the warm wind was blowing.

Vic was going with half-closed eyes, trying to catch a little sleep. Her subconsciousness convinced her that she was mentally deficient. Being in a depressed state the girl was thinking only of the previous night. She was afraid for her mental state — whether she was healthy? Maybe there was no demon there? Maybe everything that she saw, felt and heard was just a mind game? A dream? Maybe she made up everything and didn’t know how to forget it?

Vic got into the underground, crowded into the third train. It was too crowded, and she couldn’t turn out to be in the carriage without making an effort. Vic held on the hand-rail and closed her eyes, setting her mind on three-hours preparatory meeting before the exam.

‘How’s your finger?’ suddenly a quite whisper penetrated her ear.

It gave her a pretty good jump. Of course, she guessed who was behind her. Her guesses were confirmed when his hands embraced her, giving no chance to turn to him.

‘Hash, don’t be nervous’ Kharon swarmed in her hair with his nose.

Victoria didn’t breathe. Fear conquered her completely. She glimpsed angry faces: nobody paid attention neither to the strong hands, firmly holding the girl nor to her sudden fright, solemnly walking in her eyes.

‘You were summoning me yesterday evening’ the man whispered, holding her tightly. ‘I heard you saying the spell… Blood was on the ground… Fear of cutting your little finger was within you. Schizophrenia diagnoses… Melancholy’

Victoria didn’t blink. Dream, slumber, wish to close hey eyes and all other physical desires disappeared. She got awaken but her mind was glassed. Vic got who was near her and that was all. She couldn’t say a single word, a lump of nerves was in her throat, passion started getting into mind slowly. Through the fear and consternation Vic felt enjoyment. Jesus, she waited for his embrace so much and she feared to confess it.

‘I was busy. Too busy. Victoria, it is Kuznetsky Most station. Shall we go? Here’s a change of line…’

Kharon took her by the hand and led her to the crossing passage.

‘Wait’ Vic finally said something.

‘I am listening to you’ Kharon had a firm hold over her hand and looked into her eyes. ‘Your eyes are of very beautiful olive green. Intense. There is so much life in your eyes’

‘That’s not what I mean!’ Vic interrupted him without expecting such severity from herself, ‘What’s going on?’

The demon withed his head down but kept his eyes on the girl, still holding her hand. They were standing in the middle of Kuznetsky Most metro station. It was rush hour. People hated them. They were pushed and called bad names. They were an obstacle for everyone, but she didn’t care neither did he.

‘Fine,’ Vic insisted, ‘Let’s go’

They left the metro and went to a café. Victoria decided to speak to the man… the demon.

‘Two coffees, please’ Kharon said to the first waiter he came upon and went to the table, leading the girl.

‘But…’ the waiter tried to explain something, and nothing came out of that.

Kharon stood up, looked at the man and repeated his order again, added compulsion into his voice.

Vic was at the table, staring at the man in front of her. His amber-brown eyes opalesced and it didn’t matter, that surrounding colour was dull; dark-brown, almost black, hair covered his forehead, he had thick black eyelashes…

Five minutes passed before Vic started speaking.

‘Okay. That’s okay, isn’t it? Is it okay that we’re here just like nothing has happened? Is that okay that some creature from hell is gonna drink a cup of coffee? Would you like a cigarette, maybe?’

‘With pleasure’, Kharon smiled, ‘but no smoking is allowed in the café’

‘How do you know? Oh, what a nonsense I’m talking… you know everything!’

‘You know, Victoria, I’m glad that today I’m in Russia, in Moscow. I’m glad that no smoking is allowed in the café’

‘What does that mean?’

‘You have to understand you aren’t the first woman in my arms for all these centuries that I have been living’

‘And I do’

‘I heard your voice yesterday, but I couldn’t have dropped everything and run to you… I was adorning a dream of a very sweet madam’

‘You couldn’t have dropped everything?’ Vic grabbed the cup of coffee, hoping that caffeine would wake her wisdom up. ‘I suppose demons must show up as they’ve been summoned.’

‘Oh, no, Dear. We show up to whom we want to. If I’m in a bad mood or busy, or have no desire, I won’t come even if you cut a head of a black rooster’

‘Why did you come to me?’ Vic smiled.

It was her first smile for the last two days. The first smile was in the seducer’s presence from tartar.

Kharon grinned, took the chair and sat closer to the girl. He embraced her a little bit, kissed her lips unceremoniously and smiled again. The demon behaved as if they had been married for a long time already.

Victoria was sitting without moving. The man’s effrontery astounded her as well as her behaviour: why didn’t she put off his hands? Why did she allow him to kiss her? What was going on with her mind?

‘You’re a great interest for me. Your diffident voice, disgusting Latin, cut leg… It has been a while since I saw such an awkward magician’

‘I’m not a magician!’

‘I know. You are a nice, red-haired girl, last-year student. You have got a boy whom you don’t love. You live with your mother and that was the reason why you went to the park yesterday…’

‘So does a demon control his presence? If he wants, he comes, if he doesn’t then he won’t come?

‘Absolutely’

‘Why did you come to me again? I told you I don’t agree to the deal’

‘That remains to be seen. Hm, I am glad that you have stopped being afraid of me, finally’

‘Damn it all!’ Vic couldn’t take it anymore, ‘How’s it possible?!’

‘By the way, every time when you say damn it all, a deuce takes three days out of your life. Be careful with what you’re saying, Babe’

She had a lump in the throat again. Deuces? Were they real?

‘You see, Victoria, deuces don’t take the highest hierarchy step of Hell and do thankless job. They have to please themselves at least’

‘Kharon… Honestly I’m out of sorts. It seemed to me just an illusion, a hallucination. It can’t be. There are no demons and deuces! You’re just kidding me’

‘Oh, really? Then I shall show you what an illusion is’

Kharon took her hand and whispered: ‘Close your eyes’. Vic did and silently was sitting with her eyes closed.

There was a noise of wind. The air was warm. Waves were crushing against the rocks. Victoria opened her eyes. A scared scream came out of her because there was a beautiful sheer drop under her feet, the sea was beneath, maybe it was an ocean, crashing against the highest rock bottom on the top of which the girl was staying.

‘Oh my God!’ Vic screamed, staggering and grabbing Kharon, ‘What the hell, Kharon! I’d have fallen down!’

‘Yes, you would, but you didn’t. Do not forget, it is an illusion. Everything you are looking at, doesn’t exist! All of these is my imagination’s projection. These lovely, ominous waves, churly blasts, messing up your hair, seagulls, a heart-rending screaming and floating in the sky do not exist! Give me your hand’

Kharon smiled and jumped down, dragging the shrieking girl. Vic was considerably scared with her fellow-traveller’s actions. She was afraid of falling, tried to realize that everything was an illusion, but her mind refused to believe in it. Everything looked so real and could be felt. What kind of illusion could it be if there was a salty air in her nose and sounds of nature in her ears and bared feet felt exactly sharp stones of the rock…?

Suddenly Victoria felt her feet buried in burning sand like if she had been put on a spit. Having looked around Vic saw a desert flooded with the sunlight.

‘Ah!’ she cried, shifting her feet.

It was hot. Too hot. Victoria burst herself into Kharon’s arms, stepped on his feet.

‘Hm’, he grinned, embracing and supporting the girl. ‘An illusive desert full of mirages, doubled illusion… Let’s go further!’

Milliards of needles pierced her skin, pain locked her body, fading away, fog was before her eyes. She didn’t feel any life. It was cold. An unbearable cold. There was snow, snowdrifts and ices everywhere and no living soul. It was frozen emptiness…

‘I can’t bear it!’ Vic said chattering, ‘Kharon, please…’

Suddenly they turned out to be in the café again. There were no unpleasant physical feelings left but only discrete reminiscence.

‘Now, Dear, you understand what an illusion is, don’t you?’ Kharon hugged the girl and smiled.

Victoria looked at him seriously, studying his extra-terrestrial beauty. He smelled of passion, she wanted to embrace him, she wanted him to embrace her. She was drunk with his charming gaze, gentle lips, velvet voice. Victoria was melting near him.

‘I suggest a deal’ she whispered to him, staring into his amber eyes.

‘A deal? I like it’

‘Yes, you, diabolic dregs, are able to do anything according to a deal…’

‘Diabolic dregs?’ Kharon frowned.

Victoria looked at him being seriously afraid of his next actions. She didn’t know what could happen next, what Antarctica he would throw her in. But Vic was insanely interested in how he would react and what he would do.

Kharon kept on frowning, incinerated the girl with the sly look. Finally, he just smiled.

‘What kind of deal?’ he asked.

‘I want to know what women give their lives for. What do you give them in return?’ the girl’s eyes were burning. ‘I can suggest you live a human life’

‘What does that mean?’ Kharon was looking at the girl imperturbably.

‘That means you will understand what to be a human means’

‘Should I be interested in it? What can be interesting about a human life? Instincts and a couple of clever phrases said for the whole life? A couple of love adventures? Crocodile tears?’

‘Well, you will have a chance to find out.’

‘No, Dear. You cannot have a deal in such a way. I named the price and gave you a right to choose. For the thing that you suggest I can give only platonic love. You will be able to feel body physics only after deal is concluded’

‘You’re so stubborn’ Vic smiled.

‘No, that’s not the point. This is a law and I must follow it. I do my job’

‘Even now?’

‘No, we are drinking coffee now not lying in bed’

‘I saw a spell which could tether you to me…’ Vic gave a hint and scarcely smiled.

The demon smiled, too and a burning flame appeared in his eyes. Kharon squeezed her hand and couldn’t take his eyes off her.

‘A spell which can tether me, right?

‘Yeah’ the girl answered shyly.

‘There are no such spells, dear. Everything that you find in books, internet, in manuscripts is just a described collaboration between the human world and ours. If a demon is in love with an earthborn woman then he certainly can be tethered to her. If he is bored and suddenly hears a tethered spell, he can pretend to be tethered just for fun. But when a demon is tired of the game, human dies. Mostly such kind of spells are executed for boredom. Believe me: it is not always possible to get a demon interested in you’

‘Does it mean that I have no chance to get you to experiment?’

‘There is always a chance. Get me. By the way, your preparatory meeting is over in 15 minutes. The professor has been asked the last question’

‘How do you know all of that?’

Kharon smiled in response. He was so amused by people. He was probably one of the few demonic creatures who had genuine satisfaction in dealing with people. Against their background he looked like an all-powerful giant and people turned into small ants.

Most of all Kharon liked communicating with women. That was understandable, he was an incubus. He was created for female sex. Women deified him and gave their lives with no regret until their minds joined the game.

‘I don’t know everything. For example, I don’t know what you will do in your future. I am perfectly aware of your past, great on the present, but future is beyond even our control’

‘So, there’s a chance to surprise you, isn’t there?’

‘You can do whatever you want. There are no limits except you and your consciousness. Every unlawful limit is your consciousness’

Victoria sighed and looked out of the window. People were going somewhere, speaking about something, they looked interested in life. But in fact, they went with the time slowly without even managing their auxiliary parts. They just floated.

The demon looked at the girl and he became more interested in her. Of course, she wasn’t the only one whom he was interested in. He had many women and many of them he loved…. The love of the demon… it was strange, stupid in some ways, but love had a lot of subspecies. Demons could love too.

Many people asked the question how was it possible? Did such creatures as demons need women for love? Why? That was a logical question, which, unfortunately, nobody knew answer to. But everyone knew to withstand women temptation, including such a powerful creature as an incubus, was too difficult.

‘You’re not gonna hurt me, are you?’ Vic asked suddenly.

‘Hurt you?’ Kharon re-asked, ‘I am not a deleterious demon, actually. But for your information — never trust demons. Never’

‘Do you confess that you’re lying?

‘No, dear, I confess that we cannot be trusted, that I can lie at any time because we like lying. This is one of my favourite sins. Your preparatory meeting is over. Your exam is on 13^th of June. How are you going to pass?’

For a minute Victoria abstracted herself from thoughts about the sexual man. The exam…Damn it! It was a serious issue. She completely forgot about it, but she shouldn’t have.

Women’s heads have resemblance to a sieve… They are so foolish. They have plans, the future is seen, the life is raising from its knees, showing up its ingenious horizons. Then he comes. That’s all. She doesn’t look ahead anymore, doesn’t look up, but she looks only at him, only into his eyes, hiding her languishing concupiscence, secretly whispering to herself “you’re so stupid”, but keeps on haunting him… The horizons are falling so silly, unworthy and banally. And then she sits on her broken bones again, with no trying to rise up because she’s scared. She is afraid of being hurt again, that she will break down and fall. But she doesn’t even think what will happen if another one comes…

Victoria destroyed herself morally. She pined for to try what Kharon had suggested. But the girl was afraid of the deal, she loved her life.

‘Damn it’ she whispered looking away from his amber eyes. ‘Damn it!’

Kharon was observing the girl, fishing for her every emotion and the way she felt it.

Did he like her, or he didn’t care and just did his job? It was an absolute lie! He liked her very much, he wanted to lift the curtains to see a fragrant performance in a progress. He craved for her to see it. But Victoria still didn’t want to buy a performance ticket, impudently breaking through the security.

‘Dear…Leave deuces alone… What’s up your exam? Your head has been preoccupied with my personality since recently. I see clearly in all its beauty every thought jumping through your head. I know every scene you think of and dream about. I saw everything you imagined’

He touched her lips, softly whispering his vision. Vic closed her eyes, trying to focus on something worth and distractive.

‘You want my hands to touch you, my lips to burn yours in a voluptuous kiss… Endearment. Brutality. Everything has got all mixed up in your head, dear… Please, stop thinking of us so loudly… I can’t see anything about medieval philosophy in all that sexual chaos of thoughts in your head…’

Victoria opened her eyes. Suddenly she felt ashamed. She couldn’t have even thought that Kharon saw through all her desires and spoke them up. Self-consciousness, diffidence and passion that were what the girl was full of at that moment.

‘Please…’ Vic whispered, squeezing his hand, ‘Please, don’t do…’

‘Do not do what?’ Kharon smiled and kissed the girl again, ‘Do not do this? Or that?’

His hand, so hot and fond, slithered under her shirt up to her back.

‘No!’ Vic jumped up; her hand met his face in a resounding slap. ‘It’s a mistake. All of this is a mistake! Damn it!’

The girl grasped her bag and ran out of the café. Unexpected appearance of her mind brought her to life.

“Oh, dear God, what I’m doing… I’m absolutely craze. It can’t be. I’m dreaming. Could I be critically ill? Have I had an accident and fallen into an eternal coma? Some guy lets himself do things which he’s not supposed to think of. And me? I’m acting like a slutty little bitch! What’s happening to me?”

Vic was running to the university, hoping to catch someone of her mates, to find out what had been discussed at the preparatory meeting and how the exam was going to be, if the students had to be frightened.

Kharon was in a natural shock. Needless to say, that he had never been slapped by any woman over the entire history of his existence. He never knew his cheek to be burning.

The man was in the café among people and tried to fathom what he was supposed to feel. Anger? Perplexity? Offence? Wrath? But none of those emotions could describe the state which the hell representative was in. The only thing he knew for sure was that he didn’t understand what he was slapped for.

Practically it was for the first time he faced the most terrible male nightmare: like nobody else, Kharon looked the girl’s thoughts through as if her head had been made of glass. He looked through her desires, dreams, her thoughts visualization. She slept with him not once in her head, and he knew it and she knew it. But in reality, she slapped him in the face and ran away.

To run away from oneself? What a childish stupidity. To run away from her own thoughts, desires, dreams. Why? Was it so scary to materialize things which are in one’s head? No, that’s not the point. It’s yet another concern of society and collaboration. Was it so shameful to say I was unfaithful to my beloved or my husband? Then their cheeks were red, and they would kill themselves for obscene deed, destroying and rebuking for stupidity made. But it was so good. Why did nobody remember it being very good? It’s a shame… Being ashamed in whose presence? In people’s presence whom you don’t know? In your own? It’s a lie. You’re not ashamed. You were so scared to admit it, scared of being an outcast in society. To be someone who people perk their fingers in and laugh at, despise and make fun of.

But why? Why did everyone care so much about what was going on with others? Why did they care so much about others’ lives? Was an adultery really the worst crime? In fact, it was easier than people think. If a person never loved, he would never know love to have limits, to be very seldom long-lived, to leave quietly, gently closing the door behind. People continue thinking that love was here, near… but it’s empty for some reason.

Were they truly afraid of becoming outcasts in society but they weren’t afraid of being alone in unhuman emptiness, soothing themselves with ghost mirage of dead love? Bridle necrophilia. Love couldn’t resuscitate if it was dead. It could not. Love couldn’t come back if it’s gone. No. It was all a mirage. An illusion. Was that not a shame? Was that not a shame to deceive yourselves? But it was a shame to be unfaithful to…

Why did you need to be loyal to something dead? It’s better to keep it in memory. Bright, full of emotions and life. You just needed to remember.

Kharon certainly didn’t get what was going on. Even he, a powerful and imperious demon, at the first opportunity got lost in a female subconsciousness… And he became more interested.

A woman of undescribed beauty, dressed in white, let her light long hair down, came into the café. At once she saw Kharon alone, whose face showed frustration and a little bit of desperation and she sat down near him. The woman smiled, Kharon was staring at her azure eyes.

‘Lucifer…’ he whispered, having let himself a tiny sliver of a smile.

‘Hello to you, Kharon’ the girl was gazing the man in front of her. ‘Where did you get such a perfect body?’

‘I’ve created it! I am tired of constant thinking in what appearance I shall be before this or that woman. This version has never screwed over me, until today happens’

‘Yes, I’ve been observing your passions. It was quite the performance…what is it about, by the way?’

Lucifer leaned back in his chair and fixed his gaze upon Kharon. The demon sighed, looked away, allowing easy almost airily sadness to run over his face.

‘Lucifer. Just imagine what an awkward situation I am in now. The Lord of Hell is here and waiting for me to answer about my deeds and I don’t know what to say. Can you imagine it?’

‘Indeed, I can. I’ve imagined stranger things. Let me correct you. In the first place here is your friend if you forgot, then the Lord of Hell. You can trust me, Kharon. I think I deserve to be trusted.

‘Absolutely. I’ve never thought of hiding anything…’

‘I’m not sure you actually could hide something’ Lucifer smiled.

Kharon nodded and withed his head low.

‘When did people summon you last time?’ the demon asked, looked up at his Lord.

‘Oh, these idiots do it every day and not once per day’

‘And how often do you come to them?’

‘Very seldom. Pretty much never. There are several criteria when I can come to a human. If it is a man who’s summoning me, it is 70 percent that I won’t come. If it is about a woman, then it is 10 percent more that she will see me. I’d like to begin with men. When I hear a man voice, I always try to get what that idiot wants from me. If he wants different nonsense like money, authority, revenge, I don’t come, as a rule. But if I’m in no mood I can visit him, have a benefit only for me deal with him, then to annihilate the magician and be happy about free evening. If a magician has an interesting desire or he wants to suggest a strong deal, I will bargain for a while, surely, but he hardly stays alive. If a magician is a woman then in fact, it becomes more interesting. In spite of that I am not an incubus, I prefer women. Besides, they can offer something else. You perfectly understand what I’m speaking about, Kharon, don’t you?’

The demon smiled in response, remembering little fire on his cheek left and again started banishing up-coming misunderstanding.

‘How are you feeling, Kharon? To my personal memory that was the first time when incubus was rejected with a resounding slap. How did it come to that?’

‘I don’t know. The only explanation which I have is that I speed things up, speaking Human Language’

‘No, the point is that now you’re working in the reality. It’s very difficult to carry through things you usually do in dreams. Reality is an associate hole full of maggots that swarm in the bottom, crawling on each other, trying to elevate themselves, without even realizing that each of them is the same withe, thick worm with a black head, very dull, by the way.’

‘Do you think that I am nothing beyond dreams?’

‘No, of course, I don’t, it’s just very difficult to do things which you used to do in dreams. If you come up to any woman, more than less, she will reject you but simultaneously she will plan a night with you, exaggerating everything.’

‘I shall get what I want anyway. She will agree.’

Lucifer looked at the demon and slightly smiled. He was catastrophically bored walking over the earth. People didn’t make him laugh anymore. Everything turned into every day simplicity: senseless wars, where no one understands what they fight for; murders for depreciated pieces of paper or for insults from childhood; robberies — thieves stole from other thieves, the circulation was locked; adultery were just like a pray during the dinner; children betrayed their parents, their parents betrayed their children; love was for sale: the richer was loved stronger… Everything had happened already, and then it was predictable and trivial for hell inhabitants.

‘I’d like to watch it. Would you mind, my friend?’

‘Sure’ Kharon shook the stretched hand.

‘Well shall I go then?’ Lucifer grinned, made a move. ‘The game is on.’

Kharon followed the leaving woman with his eyes and making sure that no one was watching, just disappeared. He appeared in a narrow-deserted lane. A girl with cans was walking before him. Kharon was hard at her heels.

The demon didn’t believe the reality to be so different from the dream empire. So many times, he saw wandering people there and they didn’t even realize that they were in non-reality. They felt true emotions, wept, laughed, frightened, took to flight, lost their relatives, found new beloveds, and looked for familiar faces through faceless mask of crowd. They didn’t understand them be in oblivion.

Kharon firmly decided to check his King’s words: the demon was fully sure that people would never be able to tell the reality from non-reality. But he was also sure that his King couldn’t mistake.

Kharon grasped the girl by the hand. She jumped in her fright and got the cans out of her ears. The man was strongly holding her hand and whispering about fabulous love, getting the girl closer to his arms like a spider dragged a fly into its cobweb.

‘No!’ she screamed as loudly as she could, fighting against the numb incubus with her hands and legs.

‘Hush, hush!’ he pressed her to himself, closed her mouth with his hand, ‘Just let me touch you, let me show that thing that you won’t be able to see without me. Let me know you. I shall give you the whole world, the world you knew nothing about until today. I promise you when you experience it, there will not be regret about your right choose.’

The girl was gazing into Kharon’s eyes, looking for any little hint that he wasn’t a crazy maniac taking a foil to pierce her through.

‘I’ll take my hand away and you promise that you won’t be screaming’, Kharon asked, touching her temple with his lips.

The scared girl nodded her head, accepting the terms. Kharon slowly took his hand away, showering her velvet cheek with little, soft kisses. His hand shamelessly unbuttoned her jeans, smoothing meanly and alluringly under the cloth.

‘Please…’ the girl whispered, and tears were dropping down from her eyes.

A round, warm tear fell on the demon’s hand. He stopped and severely looked at the girl. Her chin shook, the huge tears were running down her cheeks, she squeezed man hands strongly with her cold fingers, prevented him from touching the dearest part of her body. There was neither passion nor desire in her eyes and thoughts, there were only tears, where panic terror splashed like a fish in water.

‘Why?’ he asked in a low voice, buttoning up her jeans.

‘Please… let me go’ the girl persuaded him, setting her jeans, brushed away the tears.

Kharon took a sigh and took a step back, letting the girl go. She quickly minced towards crowded street, praying all the known and unknown gods, still couldn’t believe in her second birthday.

The demon was in the lane looking at the asphalt in rage.

‘It should not be like this!’ he grumbled and hit the wall with his fist.

In several hours Kharon came into that girl’s dream, who had been crying and begging not to touch her. The dream was beautiful: there was magical nature, iridescent with all colours and shadows. There was summer forest noise, smell of rare acerose leaves, tender, soft chattering of cheerful birds, clouds hurrying up nowhere and the warm wind.

There she is, let her hair down the back, with a smile on her face, barefooted, wearing a sundress, running through the grass. It is soft, silken like pillows. The girl is running and a male figure in white appears on her way. She recognizes him, it is the same man who attacked her in the lane… But now she’s not afraid of him. She honestly enjoys his beauty. She’s sure that her subconsciousness is projecting recent event. She’s not afraid of him.

Kharon takes her by the hand, and she smiles at him. His touches are so gentle that she wants him to touch her again and again.

‘Let me know you…’ Kharon whispered again, taking off the sundress strap from her shoulder.

‘Yes…’ the girl agrees, closes her eyes and immerses into something unreal…

She didn’t open her eyes in the morning.

The demon, having confirmed his abilities, finally could relax.

Vic managed to catch two of her university mates who told her in short everything that the professor had been trying to explain. She was impressed with what she was told even more than she’d been before Kharon appeared in her room. With every new word said by the students Vic got that not the best time would come forth and she was almost weak to do anything as well as she was unable to learn philosophical nonsense.

Having left the university, the girl turned out to be in the nearest park, holding strongly the philosophy notebook under her armpit. Being devastated Victoria was sitting on the bench, got and believed nothing. She had to make herself read more examination cards. What a disgusted touch of nature! Keeping in mind these passions coming forth one still waited until for the last moment and then, having waited, got into nirvana: head was in lather, deadlines were violated, leadership checked guillotine and whittles the stick for their asses, colleagues and students competed who was going to be the first to be impaled. There was no plan but chaotic movement. On the one hand, that acting was understandable. Could you imagine how bored student would be, if they prepared for everything in advance? They would never know what meant when stomach twisted as if it were full of death angels; when tongue talked nonsense with no communication with brain; and when turmoil was finally over and in the contrary to all expectations, lathered head got its ‘good on you’.

On the other side if people prepared for their performance in advance, others would make a good pile of money, thanks to calmative herbs well sold and then thanks to ruptured ulcer treatment, happened because of owing to a nervous condition.

Victoria was tried to memorize anything for the exam, but her head rejected that stupid and uninteresting idea. It wanted to think of bad guys… of Kharon. It wanted to make itself believe that everything had been just a dream, that she had made up another faked fairy tale to believe in. Her thinking was interrupted with a phone call. That was Daniel.

‘Yeah?’ the girl said tiredly having thrown back her head to the sky.

‘Hi, Vic, I’ve come back already, the business is over, it’s okay now. Wanna see you. Shall I call on you?’

‘Daniel, I…’ Vic started her exculpatory speech, ‘I’m in the park now, studying philosophy. If you want, come here, we’ll be drinking coffee and speaking.’

‘What park?’ the young man asked being inspire.

‘What park?’ the girl re-asked surprisingly looking around. ‘The one near my university.’

‘Hm, give me 20 minutes, I’ll be there. Wait for me, ok?’ he asked flirting.

‘Ok.’ Vic got off the cell and looked ahead.

Emptiness. There was nothing in her head. Only fantan noise. The wind was playing with red hair, rustling fresh leaves. Everything that Victoria could understand at that moment was that each nerve and cell of her body wanted to see Kharon.

At such moments many people suffered from unbearable and unanswered love. They wanted to cut their veins to calm insurgent pain down. Picture of beloved haunted them day and night, not letting mind alone for a second. Bottom of stomach was twisted because of unexpected and unreasonable thoughts. There were only wild schemes where beloved finally condescended and kissed them. While an imagined picture was touching with its lips, wrapping its arms around, mind was walking away to be lost. They couldn’t say no yet to themselves or imagination, they could only yield to it, absolutely refusing common sense. They couldn’t eat, drink, there was a beloved in dreams, there’s a dream about the beloved in the reality… Oh dear God, could it be love? Did people really think and call it love? What an uncommon bullshit! Love, for sure, was a brutal and unbridled bitch, knowing nothing about pity and mercy. It was like a plague and there’s no treatment for it. No true love could be treated with medicine… only death could help and oppressive silence after it.

In fact, there was more dangerous thing than love and it is severer. It doesn’t have time to wait and make mad. It has obligation to deprive of sleeping and sense for very short terms. No, it’s not an infatuation or sexuality. It’s passion. Like a match passion burns a human and he or she, burning inside, runs and looks for a place to plunge to calm the fire down that ruthlessly licks off skin pieces and gets closer to head. If a person felt passion once he perfectly gets what it is about, how much it hurts and how weak a person comes. Of course, he or she’s weak not only in moral way but in physical, getting exhausted also. Passion is like a gigantic tapeworm, stuck in and sucked it dry to the very last drop. But a human keeps on crying “I love you”. He or she still has no idea that faced with no love. He or she is alone on passion ship in a tremendous storm, in the middle of eternal ocean. And the ship is about to sink down. The man is afraid of saying “I want you”… He doesn’t believe these words. He believes “I love you” but love isn’t aware about it. He calls it love to justify his animal lust. People have the greatest faith in that the difference is very big: to say to a woman “I love you” and “I wanna fuck you”. There is difference only for linguists actually, but in life there is no difference. Love between sexes means “I wanna fuck you”.

But in the context of just passion then “I love you” means nothing. This is not necessary yet. Passion has already put its fingers into Victoria, having troubled her minds. At that moment she wanted just to see him…

‘Here you are!’ Daniel appeared on the path. ‘I’ve run around the whole park already, finally I’ve found you. I called you… you didn’t answer.’

The young man followed her hands with his eyes: the cell was strongly clutched in her fingers.

‘I suppose it’s no use to say that you didn’t hear it…’ Daniel sat near her. ‘Why, Vic? What’s wrong?’

Vic shifted her gaze. She knew the end was close but had no idea what to say.

Breaking up is always difficult, especially, if everything seems to be fine. Just feelings happen to be gone… And a wild passion intrudes a habit to live with someone. And you can’t pretend anymore that you love.

‘I know all.’ She said in a low voice aside.

‘You know what?’ a note of alarm sounded in his voice.

‘I know where and whom you were with.’ Victoria looked in Daniel’s eyes. The young man looked concerned definitely.

‘Who told you?’ he asked.

‘What difference will that make?’

‘It’s a lie…’

‘The thing that you are telling? Yes, it’s a lie. Why’re you unable to admit your lying? Why do you prefer to tie yourself into knots but not to stop lying? Enough is enough, Daniel!’

The young man put his hand to his face. He fetched a sigh and looked ahead. Victoria was looking at him and waiting for his answer.

Suddenly minute speck of dust and dried spurs rolled over the road. An unexpected wind blew them up. It was strong and warm. Her loose hair was swung in the wind, hiding her face. She frowned and looked at where the unnatural wind was blowing from. In some new leaves which flying head over heels Kharon was walking through them.

The horror possessed Victoria, her hands shook, fear little by little paralyzed her body.

Kharon wasn’t alone, there was a girl walking with him on his arm. She was mumbling something but Kharon wasn’t listening to her. He was devouring Victoria with his squinty eyes. There was a vague disembodied smile on his lips.

The wind twitched his hair and shirt tail. Everything seemed to be changing infinitely fast except the demon’s look.

“What a lovely picture. You are plotting against how to break up, aren’t you? I shall help you. Her name is Julia. A blond. She is 22. She has got a car and a rich father. Her eyes are blue. They made love three times in the Indian Ocean, four times in a hotel room and once on the plane when they had a flight there. She has got a very beautiful undergarment and she loves sex. She does not need any obligations. Think more. Any ideas?”

Kharon passed by, put his story into the girl’s head mentally. When he had passed by the bench where Vic and Daniel were sitting, the wind failed, June, awash in sunset lights and green, came back to the park.

‘Who told you?’ the young man asked.

Victoria had already heard that question for five minutes ago.

‘Have you seen?’ she suddenly asked.

‘What?’ Daniel asked again in surprise.

‘Gloominess, the wind, bedfellows who have just passed by…’

‘Nobody’s passed… Vic. What wind? Gloominess?’ he gave her a puzzled look then touched her forehead. ‘How are you feeling?’

Vic winced and avoided him like leper, understanding nothing about what was going on. She could have sworn it had happened in waking life, what Kharon said to her… the wind, the sun fading away. All of those were too real to be untruth.

‘Who told me?’ she asked again. ‘What difference will that make?’

‘It’s a lie.’

That conversation had already happened. Vic had heard it already. The cold enveloped her legs and hands, her consciousness and common sense were fogged. The girl accused herself of insanity. But then she remembered what Kharon said passing by.

‘You went to the Indian Ocean. When we were having a flight there you had sex on the plane, in WC room. Her name’s Julia. She’s 22. She has a rich father. She’s blond and has blue eyes. You had sex three times in the ocean…’

Victoria saw the young man’s eyes getting wider half-frightening, half-realizing that his girl knew the truth, half-surprising where she got the truth from if he hadn’t said to anyone.

‘…Four times in a hotel room.’ She was on the verge of tears because of grief and the truth. ‘She has a beautiful undergarment…’

Daniel was himself on the verge of tears listening to his girl’s voice.

‘…She loves sex and doesn’t need obligations…’

Victoria couldn’t stand that anymore and burst into tears, putting her hands on her face. The young man was indescribable shock. He stared fixedly in front of himself, seeing nothing. He was frustrated. Victoria wasn’t supposed to have had all the information. Where did she get it? How could she know about sex? About a hotel room?

‘How did you get it?’ curiosity overcame him, ‘Did Julia blab?’

‘I hope you understand that we are done?’ Victoria got up, dried her eyes. ‘You betrayed me, Daniel. Betrayed. I could have forgiven many things, but this, I can’t forgive this. I can’t get and accept it. It’s a very disgusting lie.’

She took her bag and went to underground. She’d been never so upset. She fretted about breaking up and it hurt her. A disturb confidence is more painful than just to break up.

What can happen when you suddenly realized that you turned out to trust nobody. Nobody. Even yourself. Someone doesn’t care about, and others are hurt. They, who don’t care, just got over it. Maybe it’s not so scared when you give up on surrounding persons. All the eternal life nature and merciless society make everyone be ready for that we shall come on disappointment sooner or later; we shall come on the thing after that we shall be able to give a definition of betrayal with no definition dictionary usage.

But giving up on trust yourself is terrible. You started being afraid of yourself, of your own thought, of everything that is happening in your head.

Victoria could trust herself: the wind, the clouds, a man and a woman walking through the park. All of those couldn’t be an illusion. The girl fully expected it to take place in the reality. If it wasn’t, then how to explain the information which Kharon had given to her? Vic couldn’t read minds but not on that one. She clearly remembered his voice, softly whispering about the past in her head. But the demon’s lips were closed. He was just walking and smiling. But he kept silence!

Victoria couldn’t say she was crazy: she was capable of hearing Kharon’s voice. Could it be a trick? Was anyone kidding her?

The girl broke into the flat, grasped the spell paper, the razor blade and ran to the bathroom. With no thinking she cut her finger and started reading the text. She could read fluently the spell by heart already.

Water made noise, steaming the mirror surface, Vic was reading the spell. Her mother was watching TV without even knowing what a bacchanalia took place in the bathroom. The girl was still reading the text, the blood was dropping into the sink, and steam was getting thicker. A man silhouette appeared behind the girl. It was hardly to see through the steam. Kharon. He came.

‘I can feel you,’ the girl whispered, dragged her gaze away from the overused piece of paper. ‘I can feel your warmth…’

Kharon touched her shoulder and took a step closer, taking the girl in his arms. Not one battalion of little cramps ran down her body immediately which at once switched off logic and common sense.

‘Will you try to slap me in the face again? To lie to yourself again that you do not want me to touch you?

Victoria kept silence letting his gentle hands move over shoulders, waist…

‘I don’t want you to come again when I call you.’

‘It’s a lie, Victoria, again.’ Kharon took his hands away from her. ‘So, tell me about your insanity which filled you in the park. Tell me, what you felt. How do you call it? Betrayal?

The girl turned to him. Kharon was completely in his birthday suit.

‘Why are you naked?’ she asked in surprise.

‘Well, I have been busy with things where you do not need clothes. I heard your voice and the same ghastly Latin.’ The demon moved his hand over his hips, not touching the body and there were white trousers appeared. ‘…Not to confuse you, Victoria.’ He smiled.

Having turned away from him, the girl closed her eyes and whispered about the same insanity. She couldn’t still believe her eyes. She was sure that they lied to her.

‘So, you were in the park?’ she asked in an affirmative voice.

‘When you were with your boy and lost yourself in thoughts, with no knowing how to get rid of his awkward and untalented caress and absurd obtrusiveness? When you knew him to have betrayed your relationship, but you didn’t have any facts? Yes, I was there. I helped you put the things right.’

‘Who was that woman near you?’

‘You noticed her, didn’t you? It’s a good sign.’ Kharon smiled. ‘A woman from my dream. To alias time and space is not a hard deal for a demon of such level as I am.’

Victoria was examining the smiling hell envoy and didn’t know what to say. How often is there a moment when a person doesn’t know what to say? You don’t pretend not to know while you have many things on your mind, but you don’t really know what to say. Silence. Chaotic, empty thoughts run inside of burnt by ideas brain semi sphere. You don’t know what out of bemuse stream is going to be the truth. There is a fear not to be clear. There is an apprehension to hear unexpected answer.

The demon leaned forward and muttered sweetly in her ear.

‘Jealousy, dear. Are you really going to be jealous of the incubus?’

There were irony and mockery heard in his voice. The girl didn’t need to answer or tell him something. He saw clearly her feeling true emotions.

‘No…’ Vic answered confused and surprised simultaneously.

‘No?’ Kharon asked again, grinning, ‘You are so liar. Victoria, tell me the truth, just for once.’

The girl shook her head, covered her face with her hands. The demon gently took her hands, holding them behind her back. His amber eyes were burning her face. He ogled her slightly smiling.

‘Victoria… Tell me, do you know that a lie is one of the deadly sins which you are going to have responsibility for one day? Do you believe in it?’

The girl said nothing. She was afraid of speaking anything. She didn’t move a muscle, enjoying gentle touches of the vehement man.

‘I’ve committed many sins already. So, what’s difference to hold responsibility for a sin or sins? And no, I didn’t. Before you appeared, I was always an atheist. Now… Now I’m not still sure what you are and from, and what I should believe in. I think you’re a professional actor or… I don’t know. I’ve never believed in demons. There’s never been any mystical things in my entire life. I always laughed at those who were dreaming about to be bitten by vampires. But now… Now in thought I’m looking for an in-patient bed in a mental health facility.’

Kharon was looking at the girl silently without touching her. How many times did he hear women speaking about insanity? How many times did they murmur him about soundless, vacuum common sense falling into a black material where there was no way back? Kharon frowned, lowered his eyes and asked himself only one question.

‘Why’

‘What why?’ Victoria asked again in surprise.

‘Why do people call themselves insane at every turn?’

‘I don’t understand you.’

‘Do you know how many times I heard the word insanity? More than thousands! People always want to be insane! I am in love means I am insane. I killed — I am insane. I do not want to go to the sea — I am insane. I want that man — I am insane. A demon came to me — I am insane. Each human move, a little bit unusual, is described by metaphorical, epic poems and decadences about insanity. Why?’

Vitoria owlishly looked at Kharon. It’s true. Why? Why do people reject themselves, their true feelings and desires? Why are they easier to say that they are mentally deficient than to accept themselves?

Fear is a reason. I’m in love — I’m insane. Where have you ever heard things like love let the common sense be at its place? People who felt love, can’t come around for a long time.

I killed — I’m insane. The society standards. Could a mentally fit person be able to kill? The answer is damn easy — no! What if a murder with some exclusiveness then insanity gets periods?

A woman craving for a man is that insane, too? Of course! The modern world order conception says that it is unpleasant and uncultured for women to want someone. They aren’t taught to take the first step to a man. It’s a disgraceful shame. If she dares to want a man and blabs her immoral desire it is deadly.

‘I don’t know, Kharon…’ she gave a shrug of the shoulders.

‘Listen to me, the human child, cultivated by urban system of artificial values and priorities’ the demon touched her face, ‘you are not insane. Do you know, why? Because the reality is multifaceted. I am tired of that you, people, thump your chests, declaiming you believe in nothing and nobody but in the evening, when no one can see you, you read psalms, calling for God. I am tired of that you do not believe in curses, but you curse everyone and beg for forgiveness for your words. You do not believe but spit over the shoulder and knock on wood. Why? Why do you lie yourselves?’

‘Because we’re afraid of the truth. We’re afraid of future which is hidden behind the truth. We’re afraid of those we don’t understand. Maybe, that’s why.’ Victoria was looking into his eyes like she was hypnotized.

Kharon sighed and lowered his head. He sometimes was too tired of people.

‘I have to come back. I must finish what I have started before she wakes up. I would like to give you a piece of advice for the future. Never try to slap a demon in the face again. I don’t like it. Most of all that I don’t like you doing this because you just couldn’t resist having pleasure, could you? Puzzle your desires out, Victoria.’

Kharon gave her an unpleasant smile and disappeared, having left the girl to think of her behaviour and desires.

‘Vic!’ the mother called behind the door, ‘You’re sleeping there, aren’t you?’

‘No!’ the girl answered immediately, turned off the tap.

‘Sure?’

‘Yes, yes, I am! I’m coming. Give me two minutes!’

‘Don’t hurry. I just wanted to know if you’re ok.’

“Puzzled out your desires, Victoria…” The last sentence that Kharon said was circling around her head unrestrained. Vic had puzzled her desires out long ago, but she couldn’t puzzle her consciousness, society values, surrounding persons’ meanings out.

For her the most terrible phobia was how society would see her. Certainly, you would hardly surprise with casual sex five minutes after having made acquaintance. Nobody said that it was ok, but nobody stopped it. And Victoria, certainly, wasn’t afraid of that, neither dishonourable nor that casual stupid sex.

Victoria found more terrible thing than society — it was God.

After the last demon’s visit when Vic was in bed, quiet music was playing on the background, muffling the darkness, the girl suddenly realized that if there were demons and deuces then there was God and angels. On the one hand that absolute crazy equality almost drove her mad at all. The demon was too attractive. She didn’t have enough strength to fight her own feelings. To her horror she got that she didn’t want just to have sex with a man of extra-terrestrial beauty, but she wanted him to love her. She wanted to love.

God appearance in her atheistic thoughts wasn’t planned. Would he forgive her for the lascivious thoughts? For one of deadly sins of humanity? Would he let her look at the fabulous paradise gate with half an eye? Would he vouchsafe her his look even contemptible one? Victoria was going to make a fatal mistake and there would be no one to blame but her, the mistake which she was going to be responsible for before Lord in the highest, disgracefully dropping her eyes.

It was so strange and crazy simultaneously feeling to realize the price of her own actions and all the same, contrary to all rules, she kept on planning to perform deeds qualitative. She had a feeling of inevitability and doom. That was all, she had no strength to correct something, to prepare for murderous feast, where she was going to devour the only one dish — retribution. It was going to be forever.

Victoria’s consciousness was full of desperation. She was scared, her heart was paralyzed with terror while her imagination was drawing pictures of justice, but her soul… Was it honest if contrary to all rules, it rushed to her one-side love that she had made up?

‘Hi, Vasilisa.’ Vic dialled her friend. ‘Aren’t sleeping? What’re you doing?’

‘No, I am not. I’m gonna hang out with my friends from university. You?’

‘Me…I’m at home. Stupid me, I thought that you’re at home and we’d speak… I’ve broken up with Daniel…’

‘Oh, shit!’ Vasilisa took a sad sigh. ‘You couldn’t imagine how I hated myself for blabbing out. First, I thought that it wasn’t my business, then I thought you had to know. If I’d calumniated, I’d have apologized, haven’t I, Vic? You aren’t mad at me, are you? Did he confess?’

‘Oh, come on! No mad!’ Vic smiled. ‘On the contrary, thank you for opening my eyes.’

‘Honestly, Vic, I wish I hadn’t been that person who opened your eyes… Let God be with it.’

‘God with it?’ Vic gave a shiver when she heard God’s name. ‘He did betray me, what God would be with him? He sinned!’

There was a quite silence on the phone.

‘Vic.’ The friend said in a low voice. ‘I’ll come on you, ok?’

‘Come on me?’ the girl was surprised.

‘Even distantly I feel you getting through your breaking up. What God, Vic? This statement makes me be suspicious. I’d not have said anything then… I wish I’d not stopped my tongue…’

‘Calm down. It’s ok. Go hanging out. Don’t think about me. I’m preparing to my philosophy exam and I seem to have over read about theocetricism… Don’t pay attention. When are you free?’

‘Ah, I forgot completely about your exams. When’s it gonna be? On 13^th? So, you’ll pass it and we’ll meet then right after it if you really don’t need me now.’

‘Deal. I’ll call you before it.’

‘Okay. So, I’m leaving. Don’t be upset, please. If anything happens, call me at once, I’ll come no matter what could happen.’

Vic smiled and hanged off the cell. Her eyes pierced into silent night ceiling. Whatever she imagined to herself, whatever she dreamt about, passion didn’t want to leave her alone. Fear of God absorbed her more and more. She was sure she had nothing to lose yet. Any Lord of the Highest would inflict her only for her chaotic thoughts of evil deeds.

Having turned half of the night, Victoria finally got asleep in the morning. She dreamt about nothing. There was only darkness. But her mind had a rest with no seeing merciless Kharon’s picture. Her mind planned nothing and wanted to delegate it to her subconsciousness. The subconsciousness used to exist on the level of a static chaos, that was one of its favourite deeds.